Monthly Archives: August 2010

The Johari window concept says that every person is like a window with four panes. Pane 1 consists of all the things that he knows about himself and his companions know about him. (Let me shift to her… just in case). Pane 2 consists of things that she doesn’t know about herself, but the world knows. Now this may be either real or imagined/misunderstood things…. never mind. Simple examples are bad breath, stinking socks, mannerisms, body odor (yuck). More complex ones would be outrageous allegations. (If you depute someone to ask 20 people about yourself, you will be astounded on hearing at least some things that they would say and all these surprisingly new things would be in pane 2. Pane 3 consists of things that you will never hear from them. These are your secrets (fetishes, fears, clandestine plans, etc.). Pane 4 consists of things no one knows….unknown to you and the world (you could be a good skier or sky diver…. no one, including you know, since you have never tried).
Now, to have good relations with the rest of this wonderful world, your pane 1 must be bigger than the rest of them. You can make Pane 1 the numero uno by doing two simple things.
1. Explaining why you did what you did to one and all as detailed and often as possible: Never assume that people will understand the rationale behind your actions. They will readily convince themselves that you had the worst and ugliest of intentions. So please save yourself from this trouble.
2. Always seek feedback from all the ones that matter. Keep asking them about how they feel about you, your actions and reactions. Be prepared for negative feedback. If its undeserved explain and convince people politely and patiently. If its deserved, accept it and decide to mend your ways…

There is a wonderful tool for you to so this feedback seeking and clarification. However, I don’t want to give it to you on a platter. If you want it either send me an email on sangeethibrahim@yahoo.com or call me at 050 3423552. This tool will make your relationships refreshingly better and endearing. It worked for me and will surely work for you as well… Insha allah

All of us carry around with us Mental-maps about ourselves and the rest of the world. We think, feel, act and react towards people based on these mental maps. The most disastrous application of this little map tucked deep with us is Motive guessing. You waved at an acquaintance standing on the other side of the street. He didn’t reciprocate…. And here comes the list of possible explanations (motive guessing) that you can have.

He didn’t see me.
He was busy thinking about something.
Ever since he got promoted, he has been arrogant.
Have I done something wrong to anger him?

Which of these is true.. god alone will know, unless we confront him and ask him and get his sincere answer. Since we don’t bother to do that, our mental map will treat this as an MCQ and find an answer for you. And how did we get this mental map? Well, most of the stuff got uploaded when we were under the age of 5. Small and helpless, taking in everything that our elders spelled out…. As they were big, so able, amazing and convincing.

As adults, we could take out these maps and question the lines and shapes any time. However, as we rarely do this, it’s akin to trying to get around a place using a decade old map. No wonder we don’t reach anywhere when it comes to interpersonal skills. So you see the world not as it is, but as you are… and, even if we put on the sweetest of faces and gestures, the world can see through us and read our prejudices. “what you are is shouting at me, I can’t hear what you are saying”- amazing truth. So we go around with friends, half friends and full foes, just because our age old outdated mental maps keep us chained to our prejudices.

Are you prejudiced? Well, there is a way to know. Click on the below link and get an exact report on your prejudices against women, different religions, etc. The results will surprise you, and you will agree with me for shouting “Shame on You”
https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/demo/selectatest.html

Happy awareness building !!!. Hope you will de toxify yourself afterwards. Because the world out there is beautiful, if you would just take off your prejudice blinkers.

Finally, I have created (invented, conceptualized…whatever) the ultimate formula for success. Here it goes…

Altitude = Aptitude + Attitude + Actions

Profound indeed !, as you will soon come to realize and concur. Looks good as well..doesn’t it ? The altitude at which you will cruise in life (you could either live life as a chicken or as an eagle, the choice is yours and can be made at any time…) depends on the three things on the R.H.S of the equation. For those who were pathetic at math, R.H.S stands for Right hand side. Since I intend to continue blogging, I don’t want you to imbibe this secret formula all at once. So today, I will start by enlightening you about Aptitude.
The word literally stands for the innate ability to do a task. There are a million jobs that one can find and do in this world. However, it goes without saying that one cannot do all these jobs equally well. You are cut out to do some exceedingly well, some moderately well and so on, it takes the form of a decreasing continuum.
If I can compose music exceedingly well, or sell amazingly well, you can say that I have the aptitude for that task. If I don’t, I may still be able to do them, but with a lot of painful efforts and very little breakthrough WOW results.
So the first step in moving on to a higher corridor in life is finding out the jobs in which you have an aptitude in. Once you glance through that list, you will get that “My god, these are interesting things…..” feeling. If the job that you are currently doing is in this list, you are one of the lucky ones. Alternatively,you will have to decide.. change the job or burn double the amount of fuel to cruise at the level you desire.
Now how can you decipher your aptitude ?. I personally endorse the MBTI personality profile. It is freely available at http://www.humanmetrics.com. Look for the “Jung typology” test link and start answering the questions. Once you are through, you will get a four letter code (ENFJ, ISTJ, etc.). Once you have this code go to Google university and search for MBTI + apt careers and voila….. you will have a million sites telling you the first ingredient in my secret recipe.
Am I too old to change? Well, I was trained as an engineer and a Business Manager. Frankly speaking I don’t have an impressive aptitude for either. With a lot of hard work, I could make a mark in these domains. However, I could see others do it with half the time and effort. As an ENFJ, “Teaching” is a job in which I have a good aptitude in and as a Corporate Trainer, I am outshining others effortlessly… Alhamdulillah. I spent seven years of my life loitering in the wilderness before I found the track of my calling. Work is NOW very meaningful and I enjoy every bit of it.
If you need any more details on this, send me an email at sangeethibrahim@yahoo.com. If you are in the UAE, I am giving a presentation on the same subject on Wednesday (25th) night in Sharjah. Call me on 050 3423552 and I will guide you….It’s a promise.
For the rest of the R.H.S… watch this space.

I had requested Proffessional Networking group members to recommend the Best Self Help book they have ever read. The response was overwhelming. I have consolidated them together and want to share it with you all. I want to now embark upon a self development plan- to read each and every book in the list before the end of 2012. Please find the list below.

Please feel free to add to this….

Most Recommended

1. The Secret- 4 votes
2. Greatness Guide- 3 votes
3. The Bible- 3 votes
4. The Shack- 2 votes
5. The Power of Now- 2 votes
6. 7 habits of highly effective people- 2 votes
7. Man’s Search for Meaning- 2 votes
8. The alchemist- 2 votes
9. How to Win Friends and Influence People- 2 votes
10. Feel The Fear & Do It Anyway- 2 votes
11. Blink- 2 votes
12. The fountainhead- 2 votes
13. Monk who sold his Ferrari- 2 votes
14. Think and Grow Rich- 2 votes
15. Jonathan Livingstone Seagull- 2 votes
16. Muhammed by Haykal- 2votes

All Recommendations (Alphabetic Order)

1. 100 ways to motivate
2. A Time to Think
3. Atlas shrugged
4. Autobiography of a yogi
5. Awaken the giant within
6. Awareness
7. Brain Rules
8. Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking when the Stakes are High
9. Developing The Leader Within You
10. Discover your Destiny
11. Do One Thing Different: Ten Simple Ways to Change
12. Dont Sweat On Small Things
13. First things First
14. If How To’s Were Enough, We’d All Be Skinny, Rich, and Happy
15. In the Meantime
16. Leadership And Self-Deception
17. Leadership from the Inside Out: Becoming a Leader for Life
18. Living, loving & Learning
19. Maverick
20. Mindset
21. Mitch Albom’s books..
22. On Becoming a Person
23. Peaceful Warrior
24. Peoplemaking
25. Playing Ball on Running Water
26. Power within excellent
27. Rich Dad Poor Dad
28. Self Hypnotism
29. Self-Reliance
30. Spirit Wellness
31. Stirred not Shaken
32. Success Principles
33. Synchrodestiny
34. Tao of Pooh
35. The 80/20 Principle
36. The Autobiography of Malcom X
37. The Dark Side of the Light-Chasers
38. The Four Agreements
39. The Last Lecture
40. The Little Prince
41. The magic of thinking BIG
42. The Purpose Driven Life
43. The Richest Man Who Ever Lived: King Solomon’s Secrets to Success, Wealth, and Happiness
44. The Road Less Traveled
45. The Road To Success
46. Think like a winner
47. Tie: The Four Hour workweek
48. Tughlak
49. Use your Head
50. What to say when you talk to yourself
51. You Can Win
52. Zen and the Art of Archery

As a self proclaimed “cleanser of souls” , I often have heated debates with my agnostic pals. I must admit that I have always been slightly unfair to this breed of beings, since I was convinced that agnosticism stems from sheer ignorance as against a “detachment based on a wise sense of disenchantment”. Since the old adage, “What you are is shouting at me, I can’t hear what you are saying” is true, the antagonists can see through me and this contributes to the fire and the smoke in these debates….. (Trust me, I wouldn’t be the one to fire the first salvo, though most of the subsequent ones would have my name etched on them).
You can’t blame me completely . As caliph Ali (RA) said “You can convince a hundred scholars, but not one idiot”. And things are worse since most agnostics exude the arrogance of ignorance. They simply refuse to see things that are so bleeding obvious- or so I thought, till I read about R.A.S- The Reticular Activation System.

Research has proven that at any point of time, about 3 million bits of information hit us from all sides- eyes, nose, ears, skin and mouth. Unfortunately our brain can only process about 164 bits of information per second. So there is a gate in our brain that reads the incoming information before filtering most of it out. So what decides what goes in and out?. Well, here come our friend, RAS. This system is the gate that takes in only 164 bits and throws out the rest by either deleting, distorting or generalizing it. Now how does the RAS know, what has to be taken in or thrown out ?. Our belief system does this trick. If you believe something is important for you, RAS will let in information regarding that and will block out everything else. When you decide to buy a Camry, you will start seeing Camry cars everywhere. If you are worried that you has gastritis, you will find references of gastritis all around. Rest assured, this information was always there, but your RAS was bouncing it out till your belief system told it that it was important. This is why people staying near airports can sleep through the ordeal and yet wake up when their baby starts stirring.

Now what does this got to do with belief ? The answer is simple. If you don’t believe that there is god and accountability and heaven and hell, all the evidence that supports this (There is overwhelming evidence in the world around us that proves the omnipotence and omnipresence of god) will bypass us and no matter what the world tries to do, we will never be convinced.
It is said that if you believe what you can’t see, you will be gifted with the sight of what you believe. This can now be scientifically explained using the RAS concept. Unless the in- keeper of our conscience- our belief, opens the RAS door, enlightenment will never shine through. We will remain as ignoramuses all our lives even while wading in evidence.

This also highlights the importance of introducing the concept of religion to children when they are still young. If we are able to plant the seed of belief in their minds, at a stage when they accept our ideas readily, RAS will automatically bring in enough evidence over the years to make them ardent and passionate believers later on. The converse is also true. So it either becomes a vicious or virtuous cycle.
So make sure that you mind your RAS, its after all a question of eternal victory or damnation.

The wonderful John Whitmore Tool….

A successful person always asks himself- Am I doing justice to the roles that I am playing in life?, How can I be perfect in each of these roles if I am not already ?. He would consider all the roles that he plays – Executive, Father, Husband, Son, etc.….. as success for him should mean success as a whole and not in bits and pieces.

Sir John Whitmore has given us a wonderful tool to help us work this out. He calls this the “Responsibility and Awareness tool”. All you need is a few sheets of paper and a pencil. Suppose you are evaluating the status of your role as a husband. Call your wife aside and ask her to list the seven qualities of an ideal husband. While she is doing that, you prepare a separate list for yourself on the same topic. Once that is done, you compare your lists. Your challenge is now to have one list with seven items on it. Make sure that this doesn’t lead to a fist fight. Discuss each point, explain its relevance from different perspectives and build a consensus. To makea long story short, have a list of 7 that you both agree on without much blood and gore.

Once that is done, both of you will rate you (The husband) on a scale of 1 to 10. 1 stands for poor and 10 stands for perfection. Resist the urge to tread the middle path and give 5 for each point. Once this is done share the scores with each other. If you believe that you deserve a higher score, explain the rationale. If she disagrees, she should give examples to justify her stand. ( I advise you to do this at a restaurant or a park, where you may not be quite ready to be loud and physical). Arrive at a consensus score. What you now have is your hubby performance score. Finally discuss attitudes and behaviors that you can display to take the score to a perfect 10. Agree and commit.

You can do this with all the roles you play. Seven qualities ofthe ideal manager, seven qualities ofthe ideal roommate or so on….

Tip: Don’t try to work out a7 qualitiesof the ideal wife with your soul mate. I don’t think any person has succeeded in completing this exercise yet.