Monthly Archives: November 2010

We had an interesting conversation in our office lately. We were discussing the relative merits and demerits of being Aggressive, Passive or Assertive. One of my colleagues raised a point that I could readily identify with. “Some people get away with being aggressive all the time. Others are expected to be submissive always. The moment they start showing signs of assertiveness, the whole world pounces on them and demonizes them”. I couldnt agree more.

These three behaviors are functions of one’s courage and consideration. If you have only courage and no consideration, you become a ruthless aggressive. If it’s all consideration and no courage, you become a weakling Passive. The right balance of both makes you an upright Assertive.

Its strange how the world (could be family, social circle etc) teaches itself to accept and tolerate Aggressiveness from some. “That’s his nature”, “She is not that bad”, “He just speaks his mind”, “Barring this aspect, she is a gem of a person”. The list of phrases symbolizing complete understanding, accomodation and justification drones on….
On the other hand the ones who choose to show consideration are easily and readily thrust into victimhood. People exploit them. They have to always sacrifice their interests for others. The world doesn’t show any restraint in hurting the interests of these push- overs. But whenever these victims, tired of being absorbers start to cry foul and stand up for their rights, the world unanimously position them as outrageous villains. “How dare he?”, “See how she has changed?”……

Let’s forgive the world for getting its concepts wrong. Aggressiveness and Passiveness are both ineffective stances to adopt. Assertivess is the only right nature. However you cannot change yourself and the world overnight. If you have taught the world to ill treat you as a passive weakling over many years, you will need all the time in the world to re position yourself correctly and you will have to don the mask of a villain before wearing the celebrated robes of a hero.

Having said this, I would like to propose a totally different approach.

Abu backer (RA) was once abused by an unbeliever in the presence of the prophet (PBUH). Abubacker (RA) kept a smiling face as the man ranted on. The prophet merely watched them with a peaceful countenance. However as the jibes became too scathing, Abu backer started to counter the man’s abuses. But he also noticed that the prophet looked disturbed. After the man left, Abu backer went to the prophet and enquired about his discomfort. The prophet replied that when Abu backer was silent, the angels in the room were retorting to the man’s abuses. But when Abu backer himself started the rejoinders the angels stopped and left.

So even if you have all the courage and ability to stand up to the opposition and blow them away,choose not to. Then beings more noble and powerful than you, will take up cudgels on your behalf. In this case you are not showing passiveness traits. You are merely choosing to delay gratification. You resist the urge to shoot from the hip merely to get rewards for your restraints. And you can be rest assured that your assailants will get devastated in the process.

But won’t this give wrong messages to the world? Won’t they deem you feeble? Won’t they increasingly try to take advantage of you?

I believe that they will. But we get the solution for this challenge from our Role Models. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) and their blessed companions were utmost passive and forgiving when it came to attacks on themselves. They suffered silently without lifting even a finger. But when the honor of others was at stake, they were totally non- compromising. They rose in unison to protect the weak and underprivileged amongst them. They fought relentlessly till persecution was no more.

Let’s do the same. Let’s patiently endure attacks on our ego with a smile. But let us exercise firm assertiveness on behalf of our near and dear ones. We will ensure that they get their dues fairly. By doing this, they will be protected. And what is more….The world will also get to learn about our strong side.

And I am sure that they will refrain from hitting us personally… lest the strong side come out in the open.

So let this be our mantra from now on…..Passive for own sake and Assertive for Other’s.

EID Al Adha- one of the strongest symbols of obedience is just around the corner. As I write this, millions of our brothers and sisters are fulfilling Hajj, the 5th responsibility of a believer. I hope and pray that we get the opportunity to follow suit very soon.

On the day of EID, we remember the acts of obedience performed by Prophet Ibrahim and his family. God ordered Ibrahim to take his wife Hajar and their son Ismael to an uninhabited, barren, distant land and leave them there alone. He submitted and obeyed. When Hajar realized what was happening, she cried out, “Ibrahim! Are you going to leave us in this valley where no people live?” She repeated the question yet she received no answer, so she asked him, “Did God order you to do this?” He replied, “Yes.”

So she said, “Then God will not let us perish.”

After a while Ismael began to cry due to acute thirst. The worried mother began running all around the place seeking respite. God answers her prayers by making a stream gush out near Ismael’s feet. Till this date, every visitor to the holy mosque in Mecca re- enacts the actions of Hajar. They run between the hills of Safa and Marwa 7 times and then goes on to drink from the wells of Zam Zam. The very spring that had quenched Ismael’s thirst is continuing to soothe the parched throats of believers even today. As I stood at that very spot and moistened my lips with those droplets I imbibed a valuable lesson from Hajar,- If you put your trust in god and strive relentlessly, you will find success at your feet. God honored Hajar by making her an eternal role model of submission. A beacon for millions around the world to draw inspiration from.

Furthermore, when their son Ismael became older, Ibrahim received a command from his Lord to sacrifice him. He submitted and so did his son. The family of Ibrahim was a family of obedience and submission. They were tested and tried again and again, but the result was always submission and obedience.

Eid is an annual reminder that this life is a test and we must be obedient if we wish to be successful. Once a year, believers of every ethnic group, social status, and culture are reminded and given the message: Surrender to God, submit to God. Are we hearing this message?

Just as Prophet Ibrahim was tested throughout his life to see if he would submit or not, so will we be tested to see whether we submit to God’s commands or refuse! Know that toils, struggles, and hardships will accompany our quest to obedience. But if we obey, we will be rewarded with true and eternal success.

Ibrahim submitted, Ismael submitted, Hajar submitted and through their submission they won eternal glory. And now, we must submit. What are we waiting for? This is the message of Hajj; this is the message of `Eid. We have heard the message.

It’s time to submit…

After long deliberations and consultations, weeks of apartment hunting and fiery negotiations garnished with lengthy discussions and arguments, we decided to leave our Home of 8 years behind and move to a bigger and costlier new House. The most significant question in our mind was- Are we also succumbing to the soulless materialistic lust that outrace every one of us some time or the other ?. Have we also begun to confuse standard of living with hugeness of expenditure?. As one can sell anything to one’s own mind, we convinced ourselves that our decision was timely and apt and we moved out.

SEWA, Municipality, Cartons, Drills, IKEA, Home Centre, Pick up’s, Movers, Dust, up and down trips, bargaining, pleading, slogging………………Phew !!! it was finally over. Move over shifting…. Welcome to better living.

The relief was short-lived. Just two days into this new state of blissful existence, trouble surfaced- In the guise of a monstrous service room located just below my apartment. The room had a million electrical giants that heated up our tiles considerably. The reading on the AC stubbornly refused to dip below a particular point forcing the room to take ages to cool down. The cleaner who came to help us tidy the place clandestinely let the cat out of the bag- Two previous tenants had vacated the apartment since the heat made it un livable in summer.

CRASH…… Painfully crafted Dreams tumbled down. Fastened heart beats. Palpitation. Headaches

• Will this cause health issues?
• Should we move out ?
• No !!! can we endure the ordeal of shifting again?
• Will we lose lot of money in the process ?
• How can I communicate with this guy who speaks very little English ?

Now this is the very phase that I want to elaborate today. Our faith and conviction was tested slightly and we failed… miserably that too. I am a person who walks around preaching that the good lord knows best . From a hundred lecterns I have advised others that if we endure patiently, constantly asking god for help, and doing the right things, everything will eventually turn out good. I flaunt a phrase that I created myself- Anything bad that happens is a substitute for something worse that could have…..

But in those two days, we realized that we were merely paying lip service to these beliefs and that our conviction in this area was really wafer thin…..and this realization was frightening. It took just a minor issue to defeat us and leave us confused, clueless and disheartened. Though my heart was trying to remind me of these facts, it wasn’t sounding very convincing.

But what happened next was really amazing. Though we remained dazed, we started receiving refreshing help from all possible quarters. And when I say, all possible quarters, I am not exaggerating. My cousin Amit, Uncle Mohemadali, Friend and Mentor Adv. Backer ali, Colleagues- Mahmoud Ramadan, Khaled Al Salamouny, Ahmed Al Shabasy, Hasseb Shaikh, Dr. Syed Tantawy, Hassan Balgouni, Maher Al OLiwi , Seif, Muna al ali….

Each one gave me us a patient hearing. They consoled us and rushed in with their support and help, in their own special ways. To make a long story short- We finally forced the real estate guys to relent and they have started the process of fixing thermal insulation pads on the roof of the service room, a corrective action that will solve our problem. YIPEE!!!!!!!

Quite relieved, we went out to the park located next to our building for the first time. As Amaan was cycling around the park, Jia was having a great time in the children’s play area. As my wife and I positioned ourselves alert fully near the slide to protect young Jia, I mused…..”Look at how Jia is playing, feeling fully secure, confident in her conviction that we would prevent her from getting hurt. Why did we forget that Allah is there to protect us, from every harm ? Why didn’t we rely on his love and strength which is manifold more than ours?”

My wife answered quickly -“How can we be sure that allah will protect us? We have not been the most ardent believers. We are not perfect. We disobey him in so many ways every day”

My colleague Muna had a story to tell, in reply. When an ardent sinner says “Labbaikhallahumma Labhaik (Here I am at Thy service O Lord, here I am)”, The lord rejects his call. When he repeats this call, it is rejected again. But when he says it the third time, the lord orders the angels to open the doors of mercy for him and the sinner ceases to be.

So even if we have the most un glorious of track records behind us, lets rely on the lord completely and ask him for help from now on….. And I am sure that all the hurdles looming large in front of us, will just crumble and fall.