A successful person always asks himself- Am I doing justice to the roles that I am playing in life?, How can I be perfect in each of these roles if I am not already ?. He would consider all the roles that he plays – Executive, Father, Husband, Son, etc.….. as success for him should mean success as a whole and not in bits and pieces.
Sir John Whitmore has given us a wonderful tool to help us work this out. He calls this the “Responsibility and Awareness tool”. All you need is a few sheets of paper and a pencil. Suppose you are evaluating the status of your role as a husband. Call your wife aside and ask her to list the seven qualities of an ideal husband. While she is doing that, you prepare a separate list for yourself on the same topic. Once that is done, you compare your lists. Your challenge is now to have one list with seven items on it. Make sure that this doesn’t lead to a fist fight. Discuss each point, explain its relevance from different perspectives and build a consensus. To makea long story short, have a list of 7 that you both agree on without much blood and gore.
Once that is done, both of you will rate you (The husband) on a scale of 1 to 10. 1 stands for poor and 10 stands for perfection. Resist the urge to tread the middle path and give 5 for each point. Once this is done share the scores with each other. If you believe that you deserve a higher score, explain the rationale. If she disagrees, she should give examples to justify her stand. ( I advise you to do this at a restaurant or a park, where you may not be quite ready to be loud and physical). Arrive at a consensus score. What you now have is your hubby performance score. Finally discuss attitudes and behaviors that you can display to take the score to a perfect 10. Agree and commit.
You can do this with all the roles you play. Seven qualities ofthe ideal manager, seven qualities ofthe ideal roommate or so on….
Tip: Don’t try to work out a7 qualitiesof the ideal wife with your soul mate. I don’t think any person has succeeded in completing this exercise yet.