January 2, 2012 · 8:25 am

Three tools to clear your confusions


“I am totally confused. Can’t decide between A and B. This impasse is driving me crazy”. This is one of the oft repeated complaints from people who come seeking help from us. And we totally understand. Unresolved issues put your mind at cross roads and this can subject you to tremendous amounts of stress. But there are easy ways out.

I believe that though you could have multiple ardent arguments going on inside you, your subconscious mind knows the best course to take. One just have to silence the conflicting views and listen to the wise inner voice. Let me share with you three tools to draw Mr. inner voice out. One post at a time.

This is one of the most effective NLP techniques and it is aptly titled Visual Squash. Lets play…..

Sit down and relax. Make sure that you wouldn’t be disturbed for 10- 15 minutes.

Extend both your hands out in front of you and make your palms face each other.

Give a size, color and shape to option A and imagine that it is on your left palm… for e.g., if it’s about relocating to another country, say Paris, Imagine that you have Eiffel tower in the palm of your hand. Don’t try too hard. Just zero in on anything that comes to your mind.

Repeat for Option B. e.g.- Staying back in Dubai (Could be the Burj). Place it on your other palm.

Now with these two “Things” facing each other, make them compliment one another by appreciating each other for the benefits they would bring you . For e.g. Burj tells Eiffel– you will give “Ibrahim” more exposure to international markets, You will give him better living standards, higher salaries… and Eiffel replies– You will give “Ibrahim” a familiar place, peace of mind, nearness to his relatives, closeness to his values etc…..

Keep going…. Freak out……..Only compliments, mind you.

As you keep going, you will realize that your palms are coming together. Let them.

Finally your palms will meet. Once this happens, imagine Burj and Eiffel fusing together and pouring out of your palms as sparkling fireworks with lots of color and sound.

Thats it. Get up…… You would have had your decision by now

By using this method, your are allowing your mind to freely explore the pros of both the options without fear or prejudice. Each compliment mentioned, will stir something within you and your feelings and thoughts will present their respective cases to you… and your wise Inner voice will make a well informed decision.

Two more tools, in my subsequent blogs… till then Happy New year. If you need any more assistance, call me on 050 3423552.

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January 1, 2012 · 4:50 am

2011 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A New York City subway train holds 1,200 people. This blog was viewed about 7,300 times in 2011. If it were a NYC subway train, it would take about 6 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

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December 21, 2011 · 5:00 am

5 minutes to become a better spouse and parent

After slogging feverishly to impress myself and my stakeholders at work amidst juggling with social commitments and personal interests, I used to reach home totally depleted. The rest of the hours would be spent as a shadow of my own good self as I would try to get away with the barest minimum of responses to the eager advances of my wife, my ten year old son and baby girl. I who normally take great pains to make official projects and gatherings fun and warm would transform into an apathetic passerby at home, the place that actually mattered the most. My loved ones had learnt to accept my behavior by soothing their pain by repeating unconvincing excuses- “He is really tired, He is very tense today, just another bad day at the office”.

Thankfully, affairs are much better now. I owe this change to a self help article that I came across during a flight. I don’t remember the name of the author. But let me share his wisdom with you all……..

Here is how it works….

I have downloaded a few of my favorite old songs, especially the soulful nostalgia evoking ones. Once I drive back home and reach the car park, I would ease myself of the seat belt, sit back and switch the CD player on. I would close my eyes and slowly let the haunting music and delicious lyrics take me over … till “that” feeling moves out from my chest to all parts of my body. While I am in the throes of this feeling, I would imagine the situation at home and what each of my loved ones would be doing. Then I would try to creatively come up with ways to make the evening uniquely special for them.

Play cricket with Amaan for a while or cook his favorite soup with him.

Conjure up a story and sing it along the lines of Jehan’s nursery rhymes.

Spend time with my wife, updating her with all the juicy things happening in the world, or spend some time with her on her face book page, enjoying its various hues.

I try my best to make the experiences different and special each time. Once I decide on what to do, I get out of the car and enter my home, to craft a mellifluous script for the rest of the evening along with the ones who matter the most.

Takes me just some old songs and a few minutes and of course the urge to make my relationships better and exceptional.

Please try it…. And enjoy the difference that it creates in your lives

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December 19, 2011 · 5:30 pm

When the Heart Talks and Listens


The other day, I uncomfortably remembered the violent argument that I had with a loved one couple of years back. We were both, heavy with the unbearable burden of unresolved tiff’s, pent up emotions and unsaid rejoinders. Add an astonished, inexperienced uncle who was called in to bring back amity into the frame and we were all set to unleash our wrath upon each other….

Lights, Camera, Action…

You said…..Because you did….I never did……You always…..^%$^%$^%$……..STOP (Uncle)…….I will never…… STOP (Uncle)…… (*^(^(&(*&(

Our neighbors had swarmed into their courtyards, watching the unfolding action drama. An eye witness later told me that even passing motorists had stopped by.

After that eventful evening, we started living as if the other didn’t exist on the face of the earth and the uncle stopped accepting such assignments.

A simple Heart talk would have made the difference that day. How I wish my uncle had read my blog before venturing out.

A heart talk is a listening and talking session facilitated to help people resolve their differences by…simply allowing each party to talk as much as they want without being interrupted. Here is how it is arranged.

The antagonists sit around a table. The facilitator holds an object, nicknamed the Heart (soft toy, car keys, flower vase, candle… anything would do) in his hands and explains the ground rules.

1) Only the person holding the Heart can talk. The others listen (only)
2) The talker must not shout
3) Listeners must not sneer or do anything with their bodies that will irritate the speaker
4) Once the talker is through, he passes the heart to the person sitting next to him
5) If the emotions boil over, the facilitator can call for a break… provided no one talks to each other during the break.
6) They go around until people have nothing to say
7) The facilitator will not try to push for a solution…he just lets people talk and talk and listen

I have used this tool many times and have succeeded in bringing warring murderous clans to amicable “then they lived happily ever after” climaxes. In almost all the cases, one would break up and cry and the sobs would infectiously catch on till the tears wash out all the resentment welled up inside.


By the way, I made up with that loved one a few months back, after a one to one heart talk and we ended up laughing at the predicament of the poor uncle on that fateful day.

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November 30, 2011 · 5:37 am

Dont Miss this opportunity to give yourself a hand

 

Another year is getting ready to pass on its light. Phew!! Wasn’t that fast? The last “Happy New year” was wished emphatically just a few minutes ago, or so it seems. With the eons zipping so fast, future seems to be a thing of the distant past. Hope we will all manage to start working on our purposes before time runs out.

Well, this could be the apt moment to reflect back on the last 11 months. If you diligently try to be introspective of your own actions in the last year you could get some vital clues about that one thing/only thing that you can truly get to understand and control- yourself.

What goals did you set at the end of 2010- and what does it tell you about yourself/your wants and your ambitions…. When you were one year younger. ARE THEY RELEVANT NOW?

What goals did you achieve- and what does it say about your TRUE passions and Wants

What did you give up- and what do you now know about your priorities or the lack of it

Who supported you, guided and applauded for you- and who are your true friends and well wishers

What worked and what didn’t- and what are your STRENGTHS and crucial areas of improvement

What made you happy and feel actualized- and what could be the purpose of your life
Use these answers to have a more effective year ahead….

Seek Results that you really want. Work on areas that truly motivate you. Work on your areas of improvement and use your strengths. Seek the counsel of your good friends. Get what you truly want…

Make your life a revelry of adventure, companionship, adventure and sheer happiness… and mind you… the rest of your life begins NOW.

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November 27, 2011 · 10:46 am

A Ballad of Unparalleled Love

He was arrested, bound  and brutally bundled off to jail. It was just a few days after his marriage. While Raihi Mustaha was sentenced to spend the rest of his life languishing in an Israeli jail, his wife Raida swaidan decided to wait for him… With fervent prayers on her lips and hope in her heart.  Though he repeatedly pleaded to end the nuptial agreement and move on… she refused. Braving the many bewildering storms around her, young Raida stood steadfast with her eyes on the pathway… every day and night for the…….

…Next 30 years.

Couple of weeks ago Raihi walked out free, along with hundreds of his brothers in exchange for the freedom of one Israeli soldier.

Raihi and Raida got to hug each other after all….

The worthy epilogue of a ballad of Unparalleled Love and Patience.

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November 21, 2011 · 10:07 am

Leaders.. You need to PLAN AHEAD

Please click on the Play Button (Turning the volume on Helps)

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November 11, 2011 · 7:53 am

7 p’s of Success: Embrace them and WIN

Please turn on your Volume

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November 9, 2011 · 4:44 am

My Friend, My Philosopher, My Guide….Live on…..

WHAT IF….

We could find time every night to patiently sit by their side and lovingly watch them fall asleep?

We are unsuccessful in hiding our tears whenever they were in pain?

We could make them fall in love with the sweet smell of paperbacks and worn out hard bounds?

We could take them along for long, winding walks, every other day?

WHAT IF….

We could make them yearn for victories just for the hero’s welcome they would get at home?

We could make them learn long classic couplets by heart?

We could truly convince them that they had sparks of genius within them?

We were able to show them that true piety lay in honoring the rich and the poor alike?

We assured them that prayers are always answered?

WHAT IF….

We could sing dreadfully wrong lyrics off key and still get them all going?

We could coax them to display their budding talents before others- and shower them with praise in public?

We could make them marvel at dew drops “dancing at the tip of leaves” and befriend the baby sparrows born in the heart of the old tucoma trees?

We could induce them to shed a few tear drops at the tombstone of every blade of grass crushed under their feet?

WHAT IF….

We could coach them to whistle old romantic songs soulfully?

We could teach them persistence by revealing that only the most irritated oysters produced pearls?

We could teach them that there is much more to life than examination results?

We found time to lose ourselves playing with them? Argue over fouls and exult over tiny victories?

WHAT IF….

We refrained from comparing them with anyone else and allowed them to be just themselves?

We could teach them what is worth fighting for and also what is worth giving up for?

We could make them love and adore themselves without hating and belittling anyone else?

We could inspire them to compose silly rhymes and send them (repeatedly) to be published?

WHAT IF….

We could teach them that the best way to reach the creator is through the service of their own brethren?

We could entice them to lie staring at the colors of dusk and silently watch a rising moonling?

We could make them adore warrior heroes of yore and the causes they fought and died for?

We could persuade them that the best way to speak effectively is to speak sincerely?


If we could do at least some of these, then even after we are long gone, we will continue to linger……In the prayers, the memoirs, reflections and in the very character of our children ….

Dear Uppa, you didn’t leave the stage on the 21st of October 2011. You just disappeared behind the curtains for us to don your robes and continue..bearing the mantle of continuing to be the legend that you were….The ultimate friend, philosopher and guide.

And as we threw handsful of fresh earth into your resting ground and moved on, new candles were being lit. Small but unwavering, measly yet resolute ones. And together we shall shine on and in the light we exude and the warmth we emanate, passersby will surely recognize and experience you.

I will never forget your words, which I have now taken as the purpose of my life and Insha allah will pass on to your young admirers after me……


“Sangu mon, journey through life with maximum happiness. Yet never victimize anyone. And strive to do things that will make the world that you leave behind at least a trifle better than the one that you had inherited”

Yes Uppa. Insha allah .…….

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October 1, 2011 · 7:52 am

SpiderGoblin

The Superhero in this irresistible Marvel Comic dons a red and blue jumpsuit, with an uncanny resemblance to the American flag. He is an epitome of valor, self sacrifice and pristine values, the numero uno one being the protection of the weak, the exploited and the hapless. The antagonist on the other hand is a monster led only by his selfish lust for power and invincibility. He can attack maim and kill anyone to establish his hegemony in line with his ever expanding territorial ambitions.

Now what happens if Spiderman and the goblin join hands?

Forgetting what his uncle tells him a few seconds before his gruesome death- “With great power comes great responsibility”; Spiderman decides to ignore the fervent pleas of the downtrodden and stands side by side with this fire spewing, super powerful fiend.

Watch out for this in the latest edition of the comic book, which will see Spiderman magnanimously vetoing the legitimate clamors of a long suffering community into dust.

Watch our “Friendly neighbor spidey”, in broad daylight gag and bound innocent men, women and children and zap them back to the ramshackled slums and ghettos where they have been languishing for years. The edition ends with Spidey and Goblin sharing the loot. The Daily Bugle still functions today. Instead of vilifying the saint, it now sanctifies the villains. It enjoys considerable readership and symbolizes public opinion.

In the chill of the night, at the scene of a crime
like a streak of light He arrives just in time
Spiderman, Spiderman Friendly neighborhood, Spiderman
Wealth and fame, he ignores Action is his reward
Look out, here comes the Spiderman….

“Yes we can”, “Change”, Go on…. Anything goes in a comic strip.


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