Category Archives: Till sunset and beyond

A new year and decade has suddenly dawned on us and we have all dived headlong into its days without hesitation. Standing on the diving board at the very end of the bygone year, we have all set ambitious targets as well. Grand plans made during the dying hours of the yesteryear…..

Let me share with you a story passed on by my colleague and friend Mansoor Ali Samnani. This tiny tale motivated me to take a relook at my goals and helped me to shuffle them around in the priority racks of my soul.

There was once a rich old man who was on his deathbed. While he was in the throes of giving up his soul to the afterworld, he pulled his beloved son close to his cracked mouth and whispered-“In my cupboard, you will find a pair of old socks. They are quite faded and threadbare. But I have loved them nevertheless. Make sure that you put them on my corpse before lowering me into my grave.” Having said these words, he passed away.. drifting into a future where he had only his past to keep him company.

The grieving son quickly located the pair of socks and took it to the room where his father’s body was being washed for the last time. He relayed the last request and requested his relatives to put the socks on his father’s life less feet. They outrageously declined and said that it was impossible to do so and all that he could wear was his white shroud. The son was enraged. They were stopping him from following his father’s last request. He stormed to the Imam and repeated his demand. The Imam was even more adamant on his refusal to relent. The son kicked up a storm and used all his persuasive skills to have the socks put on. But all the respected elders in the family unanimously decreed that the socks must not be worn.

Finally the mortal remains of the old man was buried and after tearful prayers, the bereaved son threw a few handsful of earth on his grave and returned.. to the rest of his life.

A few days later, while rummaging through his cupboard, the son finds an envelope addressed to him….in his father’s handwriting. With shaking hands he opens the letter. It had only a few lines written on it.

My dearest son. In my lifetime I have made a fortune. But they did not allow me to take along even an old tattered pair of socks. I had to leave everything behind. So ……

Dear Brothers and Sisters

Let us all ensure that we spend our valuable time in this new year on creating things that we can actually carry with us to our graves…. A few quenched throats, filled stomachs, unburdened backs….. and a handful of tears that we have wiped off and a bouquet of smiles that we have donated.

Have a Worthy 2011

Millions of people from every race and creed are fasting today. They have given up food and water since dawn and are spending their time praying to almighty god… to commemorate an event that happened thousands of years ago.

The almighty god sends a messenger to a community downtrodden for centuries by a tyrant ruler. The prophet rallies the beleaguered lot under the banner of faith, truth and justice and they stand up to face the overwhelming might of the tyrant. With the help of divine interventions, the prophet and his band of erstwhile slaves win the battle against evil. God almighty preserved the body of the cruel tyrant- Ramses II, as he promised in the last testament, the holy Quran. The 3000 year old body of the Pharoah was found by the Red Sea, and is now on display in the Royal Mummy Chamber of the Egyptian Museum in Cairo.

We fast on this day to thank god almighty for blessing prophet Moses (may God be pleased with him) and his disciples with victory over darkness. And as we fast, the world reminds itself that good will ultimately triumph over evil. Truth over Untruth. Light over darkness. And aggression, brute strength and injustice will meet its sorry end one day.

This thought brings a smile to my tear laden face.

The source of the pain also has to be explained. Many years after Moses (may god bless him) came another prophet whose mission was to complete God’s message for his creations. He continued the propagation started by Adam, Noah, David, Joseph, Solomon, Moses, Jesus and many other respected messengers of god. The holy Quran revealed to him is guiding millions of people towards the straight path of success. An arduous but enlightening path that demands untold sacrifices and total submission from its wayfarers. After the death of prophet Muhammed (May peace and blessings of god be upon him), the leadership of the community was passed on from one ardent believer to another, rightly guided followers of the prophet. But at one unfortunate instant of history , this smooth flow was suddenly interrupted….

Leadership of this nation was passed on to a son from his father. This unprecedented succession was not endorsed by all the respected members of the community. Scores of subjects rose in unison against this appointment. The dissidents flocked to the prophets grandson -Hussain (May god be pleased with him) who was revered as an epitome of religious virtue and enlightenment. Hussain took up the mantle on behalf of the believers and raised his objection to the hegemony of the newly appointed ruler.

On the 10th of Muharram, at the plains of Karbala, the army of the ruler accosted the band of believers comprising of Hussain, his family and his supporters. Hussain found to his shock and dismay that most of the people who had invited him and pledged support to him had changed their stands and deserted him. Though Hussain refused to shed blood, he was forced into battle and was martyred along with his family members and followers.

My heart aches and my eyes reverently bleed. Different chapters of history with different climaxes. The avid reader in me is finding it hard to summarize. Is the timeline of history behind me a tragedy for those who stood for truth? What will it be in the years ahead of me?

The confusion notwithstanding, I am sure of one thing. Though individual paragraphs don’t make sense at times, all these characters will emerge once again in the pages of the big book of eternity . The supreme author, that embodiment of justice and fairness would rewrite the plots in a way that all wrongs would be corrected with just one stroke of his pen. And the last lines will tell us that the good ones lived happily ever after and the bad ones otherwise. Then truth shall have its much awaited last laugh.

Though I may have to cover many miles and endure long hours of sleep before I can get my hands on this book………I am happy because it has a happy ending. So let me wipe away the tears and repeat the lines from a famous hindi film-“The movie has not quite ended, my friend”

I know– I have said this many times before. I admit that this might be one of the most recurring topics on my blog. But Trust me-it’s worth repeating a thousand more times.

Unless we stop mind reading and motive guessing, our relationships will not improve.

• He said that because he is ^*^**^*
• She did that because she is always such a &^%*^*&^*

This goes on… endlessly. We don’t bother to clarify anything. We assume that the antagonist had the worst intentions in mind and we vilify him/her without even an iota of evidence. And this makes our relationships deteriorate till we are off talking terms.

Let me narrate an incident that might inspire all of us to change….

Abubacker Sidique (R.A-May god be pleased with him) and Ali (R.A) crossed paths one morning. Contrary to custom they didn’t greet each other with the Islamic salutation “Peace and blessings of god be upon you”. They just froze for a second (as if they expected something) and then passed by each other.

Both of them were really disturbed by the incident. But without indulging in any mind reading and motive guessing, they took the initiative to clarify. They confronted each other and openly expressed their anguish… and this is how it turned out in the end.

Abubacker (RA) said “I had a dream last night. In the dream I saw a sprawling palace in heaven. When I enquired about its owner, I was told that it belonged to the person who would greet his brother first. So I remained quiet because I wanted you to inherit this palace. But I was surprised when you didn’t greet me.”

Ali (R.A) had tears in his eyes as he spoke. “I swear by my lord that I had the same dream last night. And I didn’t greet you since I wanted you to have this blessing.”

Masha allah!!! These brothers were ready to relinquish a great blessing in order to gift it to another.

So, Next time you feel miffed at someone for doing or not doing something, remember this story. Their actions may be guided by some truly noble intentions for your sake. You never know.

Please refrain from associating hideous motives behind their actions. Stop mind reading and clarify. You might end up becoming closer to one another than ever before.

May god help us to clear all our animosities and bring our hearts closer….

Till yesterday, I was a Mega advocate of the concept of Work-Life Balance.
Most of my trainings on Success would feature a video on the “Huge Rocks of life”- Click here to watch it . I deliberately conclude the sessions by making my attendees feel dismally guilty for being at work while their loved ones would be craving for their presence. I really enjoyed demonizing those poor souls who stagger through life doing justice to just a few of the many roles that they are expected to play- People who become better employees at the cost of being better fathers and sons…..

I was wrong. Long drawn debates with a few adamant trainees and a book titled “Balancing Acts” by Barbara Glanz have made me change my stubborn mind.

Work Life Balance is a myth. It is impractical and unachievable. Throughout our lives we spend time and resources focused towards the following areas. (Feel free to add more)

• Work
• Family
• Friends
• Health
• Spirit (Self Development and Spirituality)
• Service

It would be impossible to balance all these aspects of our life at any given point of time. At different stages of our lives we tend to focus more on certain areas. These stages vary as we progress ahead in our lives. As teenagers, friends are paramount. Then Work and family takes Centre Stage. As we grow older Health, Spirit and Service becomes more important. This is fine. Trying to balance all aspects together may put lot of pressure on us and we may end up doing none of the roles well.

If Balancing is not possible, what is?

An alternate approach is to try to blend all these areas together. Without losing our focus even for a minute, we can enjoy the best of all worlds by blending these areas together skillfully. I have a few suggestions on Blending Work and Family life together.

1. Take pictures or Videos of your work place and share it with your family. Let them know who is who?
2. Invite family members to join you for lunch.
3. Give your loved ones corporate giveaways from the organization.
4. Ask family members to help with a work project.
5. Explain all your major projects, their risks and schedules with your loved ones.
6. Keep your children’s things- artworks, pictures etc at work.
7. Send emails or messages to your loved ones from work.
8. Celebrate with family when big projects are completed.
9. If you are moving to a new office, get your family to help you during the weekend.
10. If you are travelling, send them pictures every night.
11. Invite colleagues home.
12. Call home at specific time each day.
13. Never miss any family gatherings in the office.
14. Organization to arrange family movie shows at least once a year.
15. Organization to arrange Field trips for children at least once a year.

By doing these, we will be more successful in keeping all the stakeholders happy. Your family is important. And one of the main reasons to work is to provide the family with all that they need. Hence work is also quite important, as it is the provider. As I said before, Balancing might not be possible. We all have to sacrifice family time and interests for work. Don’t feel guilty. You are doing the right thing. But try to blend these two vital ingredients together.

I would love to hear from you. From the 15 points above, which is your favorite? Can you add to the 15?

We had an interesting conversation in our office lately. We were discussing the relative merits and demerits of being Aggressive, Passive or Assertive. One of my colleagues raised a point that I could readily identify with. “Some people get away with being aggressive all the time. Others are expected to be submissive always. The moment they start showing signs of assertiveness, the whole world pounces on them and demonizes them”. I couldnt agree more.

These three behaviors are functions of one’s courage and consideration. If you have only courage and no consideration, you become a ruthless aggressive. If it’s all consideration and no courage, you become a weakling Passive. The right balance of both makes you an upright Assertive.

Its strange how the world (could be family, social circle etc) teaches itself to accept and tolerate Aggressiveness from some. “That’s his nature”, “She is not that bad”, “He just speaks his mind”, “Barring this aspect, she is a gem of a person”. The list of phrases symbolizing complete understanding, accomodation and justification drones on….
On the other hand the ones who choose to show consideration are easily and readily thrust into victimhood. People exploit them. They have to always sacrifice their interests for others. The world doesn’t show any restraint in hurting the interests of these push- overs. But whenever these victims, tired of being absorbers start to cry foul and stand up for their rights, the world unanimously position them as outrageous villains. “How dare he?”, “See how she has changed?”……

Let’s forgive the world for getting its concepts wrong. Aggressiveness and Passiveness are both ineffective stances to adopt. Assertivess is the only right nature. However you cannot change yourself and the world overnight. If you have taught the world to ill treat you as a passive weakling over many years, you will need all the time in the world to re position yourself correctly and you will have to don the mask of a villain before wearing the celebrated robes of a hero.

Having said this, I would like to propose a totally different approach.

Abu backer (RA) was once abused by an unbeliever in the presence of the prophet (PBUH). Abubacker (RA) kept a smiling face as the man ranted on. The prophet merely watched them with a peaceful countenance. However as the jibes became too scathing, Abu backer started to counter the man’s abuses. But he also noticed that the prophet looked disturbed. After the man left, Abu backer went to the prophet and enquired about his discomfort. The prophet replied that when Abu backer was silent, the angels in the room were retorting to the man’s abuses. But when Abu backer himself started the rejoinders the angels stopped and left.

So even if you have all the courage and ability to stand up to the opposition and blow them away,choose not to. Then beings more noble and powerful than you, will take up cudgels on your behalf. In this case you are not showing passiveness traits. You are merely choosing to delay gratification. You resist the urge to shoot from the hip merely to get rewards for your restraints. And you can be rest assured that your assailants will get devastated in the process.

But won’t this give wrong messages to the world? Won’t they deem you feeble? Won’t they increasingly try to take advantage of you?

I believe that they will. But we get the solution for this challenge from our Role Models. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) and their blessed companions were utmost passive and forgiving when it came to attacks on themselves. They suffered silently without lifting even a finger. But when the honor of others was at stake, they were totally non- compromising. They rose in unison to protect the weak and underprivileged amongst them. They fought relentlessly till persecution was no more.

Let’s do the same. Let’s patiently endure attacks on our ego with a smile. But let us exercise firm assertiveness on behalf of our near and dear ones. We will ensure that they get their dues fairly. By doing this, they will be protected. And what is more….The world will also get to learn about our strong side.

And I am sure that they will refrain from hitting us personally… lest the strong side come out in the open.

So let this be our mantra from now on…..Passive for own sake and Assertive for Other’s.

EID Al Adha- one of the strongest symbols of obedience is just around the corner. As I write this, millions of our brothers and sisters are fulfilling Hajj, the 5th responsibility of a believer. I hope and pray that we get the opportunity to follow suit very soon.

On the day of EID, we remember the acts of obedience performed by Prophet Ibrahim and his family. God ordered Ibrahim to take his wife Hajar and their son Ismael to an uninhabited, barren, distant land and leave them there alone. He submitted and obeyed. When Hajar realized what was happening, she cried out, “Ibrahim! Are you going to leave us in this valley where no people live?” She repeated the question yet she received no answer, so she asked him, “Did God order you to do this?” He replied, “Yes.”

So she said, “Then God will not let us perish.”

After a while Ismael began to cry due to acute thirst. The worried mother began running all around the place seeking respite. God answers her prayers by making a stream gush out near Ismael’s feet. Till this date, every visitor to the holy mosque in Mecca re- enacts the actions of Hajar. They run between the hills of Safa and Marwa 7 times and then goes on to drink from the wells of Zam Zam. The very spring that had quenched Ismael’s thirst is continuing to soothe the parched throats of believers even today. As I stood at that very spot and moistened my lips with those droplets I imbibed a valuable lesson from Hajar,- If you put your trust in god and strive relentlessly, you will find success at your feet. God honored Hajar by making her an eternal role model of submission. A beacon for millions around the world to draw inspiration from.

Furthermore, when their son Ismael became older, Ibrahim received a command from his Lord to sacrifice him. He submitted and so did his son. The family of Ibrahim was a family of obedience and submission. They were tested and tried again and again, but the result was always submission and obedience.

Eid is an annual reminder that this life is a test and we must be obedient if we wish to be successful. Once a year, believers of every ethnic group, social status, and culture are reminded and given the message: Surrender to God, submit to God. Are we hearing this message?

Just as Prophet Ibrahim was tested throughout his life to see if he would submit or not, so will we be tested to see whether we submit to God’s commands or refuse! Know that toils, struggles, and hardships will accompany our quest to obedience. But if we obey, we will be rewarded with true and eternal success.

Ibrahim submitted, Ismael submitted, Hajar submitted and through their submission they won eternal glory. And now, we must submit. What are we waiting for? This is the message of Hajj; this is the message of `Eid. We have heard the message.

It’s time to submit…

After long deliberations and consultations, weeks of apartment hunting and fiery negotiations garnished with lengthy discussions and arguments, we decided to leave our Home of 8 years behind and move to a bigger and costlier new House. The most significant question in our mind was- Are we also succumbing to the soulless materialistic lust that outrace every one of us some time or the other ?. Have we also begun to confuse standard of living with hugeness of expenditure?. As one can sell anything to one’s own mind, we convinced ourselves that our decision was timely and apt and we moved out.

SEWA, Municipality, Cartons, Drills, IKEA, Home Centre, Pick up’s, Movers, Dust, up and down trips, bargaining, pleading, slogging………………Phew !!! it was finally over. Move over shifting…. Welcome to better living.

The relief was short-lived. Just two days into this new state of blissful existence, trouble surfaced- In the guise of a monstrous service room located just below my apartment. The room had a million electrical giants that heated up our tiles considerably. The reading on the AC stubbornly refused to dip below a particular point forcing the room to take ages to cool down. The cleaner who came to help us tidy the place clandestinely let the cat out of the bag- Two previous tenants had vacated the apartment since the heat made it un livable in summer.

CRASH…… Painfully crafted Dreams tumbled down. Fastened heart beats. Palpitation. Headaches

• Will this cause health issues?
• Should we move out ?
• No !!! can we endure the ordeal of shifting again?
• Will we lose lot of money in the process ?
• How can I communicate with this guy who speaks very little English ?

Now this is the very phase that I want to elaborate today. Our faith and conviction was tested slightly and we failed… miserably that too. I am a person who walks around preaching that the good lord knows best . From a hundred lecterns I have advised others that if we endure patiently, constantly asking god for help, and doing the right things, everything will eventually turn out good. I flaunt a phrase that I created myself- Anything bad that happens is a substitute for something worse that could have…..

But in those two days, we realized that we were merely paying lip service to these beliefs and that our conviction in this area was really wafer thin…..and this realization was frightening. It took just a minor issue to defeat us and leave us confused, clueless and disheartened. Though my heart was trying to remind me of these facts, it wasn’t sounding very convincing.

But what happened next was really amazing. Though we remained dazed, we started receiving refreshing help from all possible quarters. And when I say, all possible quarters, I am not exaggerating. My cousin Amit, Uncle Mohemadali, Friend and Mentor Adv. Backer ali, Colleagues- Mahmoud Ramadan, Khaled Al Salamouny, Ahmed Al Shabasy, Hasseb Shaikh, Dr. Syed Tantawy, Hassan Balgouni, Maher Al OLiwi , Seif, Muna al ali….

Each one gave me us a patient hearing. They consoled us and rushed in with their support and help, in their own special ways. To make a long story short- We finally forced the real estate guys to relent and they have started the process of fixing thermal insulation pads on the roof of the service room, a corrective action that will solve our problem. YIPEE!!!!!!!

Quite relieved, we went out to the park located next to our building for the first time. As Amaan was cycling around the park, Jia was having a great time in the children’s play area. As my wife and I positioned ourselves alert fully near the slide to protect young Jia, I mused…..”Look at how Jia is playing, feeling fully secure, confident in her conviction that we would prevent her from getting hurt. Why did we forget that Allah is there to protect us, from every harm ? Why didn’t we rely on his love and strength which is manifold more than ours?”

My wife answered quickly -“How can we be sure that allah will protect us? We have not been the most ardent believers. We are not perfect. We disobey him in so many ways every day”

My colleague Muna had a story to tell, in reply. When an ardent sinner says “Labbaikhallahumma Labhaik (Here I am at Thy service O Lord, here I am)”, The lord rejects his call. When he repeats this call, it is rejected again. But when he says it the third time, the lord orders the angels to open the doors of mercy for him and the sinner ceases to be.

So even if we have the most un glorious of track records behind us, lets rely on the lord completely and ask him for help from now on….. And I am sure that all the hurdles looming large in front of us, will just crumble and fall.

Buy a canary from the nearest Pet market Tomorrow and then set it free.

On Thursday, take your kid and his friends out for an unplanned dinner to Pizza hut.

Buy a small gift and send it to someone on Friday in a way that he will never know who the sender is…

This Saturday, spend a few minutes talking to the security guard in your building and get to know more about his family.

Buy a good book on Sunday and gift it to your boss.

On Monday, come up with the names of three people you love the most…. And tell them that you Love them dearly.

And Today……Call up that special person with whom you have had a problem and request him to facilitate a new beginning for both of you.

(Adapted from one of the best books I have read – A Survival Guide for Working With Bad Bosses by Gini Graham Scott)

So… you are vying for the Best Boss award? Do a quick reality check. Read the list below and tick the ones (be honest) that resemble your style at work.

Too aggressive
Weak and wishy-washy
Too controlling and manipulative
Not controlling enough
Too organized and structured
Unorganized
Too rigid and inflexible
Too uncertain
Too emotional
Lacks compassion and empathy
Too much of a micromanager
Doesn’t provide direction or instruction
Makes impulsive or bad decisions
Indecisive
Too nosy and invasive
Shows a lack of care and concern
Yells, screams, and is rude and insulting
Can’t be trusted because he/she makes promises and doesn’t keep them
Unfair, in playing office favorites or not giving proper recognition or credit

Ha Ha… I know what you are thinking. There is not one positive point in there.

But if you have ticked any, then u should jump out of the nearest window.

If your sheet is blank, just don’t start rejoicing yet. Ask your subordinates to rate you using this questionnaire and then draw conclusions.

If you are reporting to one who has one or many of these, then look out for my coming posts. I may have some valuable tips for you.

For a change, let me do this without a prologue……

Take a paper and a pen and write down the 10 most important things that you did in the last week (Oct 9th to 16th). “Important” doesn’t mean that it must be costly or must take a long time. Feel free to define that word yourself. It doesn’t matter if the rest of the world considers it insignificant. If you think it’s important, put it down.

Now consider (Just consider) that the coming week is going to be your last. You are going to disembark from the flight of your life on the 23rd of October, say at 10.00 A.M.

What are the 10 things that you would do with the time and the resources that you have. Give it some thought…. Be realistic…put it down.

Compare the two lists. Are they different? I bet they are. And I can also bet that some of the points on the second list are things that you can do today, or any day for that matter, at any time…. without having to postpone it to that unforgiving and unrelenting last week. Trust me… No one knows whether you will be taking off the dress that you are wearing right now or whether it will be taken off by someone else from your dead and stiff body. You might not even get a minutes’ notice… let alone a week.

I want you to check these videos out…..
Life is Too Short

Big Rocks

If you have been filling the jar of your life with too many small stones, you will have no place for the big rocks in there. And your second list clearly tells you what the big rocks in your life really are.

So let’s make the coming week different. Fill up the table below, with all the roles that you play in life. And next to each role, list one or two activities that you will do in the coming week that will make life special for all the big rocks of your life…

I am sharing my table with you for reference. Do yours today and do what you have listed down. Who knows? The next week might indeed be your last. But I am sure that you will feel at least a trifle better than usual at that fleeting moment when you realize that your time has finally run out.