Should Mothers go out to Work?
In conversation with Mrs. Priya Ramachandran. Aired on NTV (Channel 726 of E-Life) on 14th March 2015.
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Should Mothers go out to Work?
New research on happiness has spilled the beans. Buying “physical assets” like a new home, a luxury car, and toys for the big boys etc doesn’t make us any happier.
Researchers have found that immediately or soon after the acquisition we would start aspiring for the next model or the costlier piece thereby rendering happiness elusive.
They have termed this condition the “Hedonistic Treadmill”. Parallel is drawn to the act of running continuously on a treadmill, without literally reaching anywhere. This finding supports the argument that money does not buy happiness and that the pursuit of money as a way to become happy and contented is futile.
How can one become Happy, then?
It was found that True Happiness is experienced when one follows one’s passion, exercises one’s inherent strengths or undertakes tasks that make a difference in the lives of others.
Convinced? So out with the Treadmill….
So, what’s your problem, eh?
Do we have an answer to this question? If yes, are all our problems purely personal and restricted to our own self seeking interests? Or, on the other hand, do we have it in us to answer this question by saying “Communalism is our problem” or “Hunger deaths among children is our problem”?
Imagine how wonderful this world would be if all of us own a problem that we have wholeheartedly committed to solve? What if we devote our time and resources to solve this problem rather than fighting for more space, more time, or more money in our own teeny weenie part of the world?
So let that skin crawl, hair stand, eyes twitch…….
Let that empathy bubble inside…
Let that righteous rage boil over……
Yeah!!! I do have a problem… and I am going to do everything possible to solve it.. God Willing!!!
Before jumping to a conclusion, take a lot at the findings of researchers who worked on the subject- What makes good people do bad things?
Multiple credible studies tell us that the right dose of social situations can change good people to evil doers. These studies confirm that the line between good and bad is not fixed and people can cross over any time based on the environment.
What would persuade good people to do evil things? Take a look.
- Influential , larger than life, authority figures- In a study, volunteers were ordered by people in authority and power to give electric shocks to people who answered questions incorrectly, they surprisingly complied- more than 80% of them. All that was needed was a command from those in power.
- Dehumanizing and labeling- In a study, when victims were given demeaning tags like “animals” and “traitors” it was found that normal people found it easier to hurt them. Such labeling made it easier for people to justify their acts.
- Breaking it down- People found it easier to inflict pain on others when they were made to do minor acts first and then progress on to do major things.
- Group think and Peer Pressure- When a group of people do it, you do it along with them. You get drawn into the actions of the mob regardless of whether you agreed with them or not.
- Anonymity- When people were given masks, they readily embarked on evil deeds. When everyone was given masks, the issue became graver, as if they lost their humanity altogether. Explains why warriors changed their appearance by donning war paint.
The psychological analysis done on the perpetrators at the Abu Ghraib prison and plotters of terror attacks confirm the above without doubt– It’s not a question of rotten apples. It’s a question of rotten barrels rather.
During communal riots, you often find peace loving, ordinary folk joining marauders at the instigation of popular, influential leaders and doing unthinkable acts of violence. These leaders create such situations by indulging in name calling and de humanizing, by fueling prejudices and demonizing groups of people or communities. They also ensure that small skirmishes happen over time, thereby creating a snow ball effect that builds enough momentum to break good will , good sense and the forces of good.
Failing/making mistakes is not all that bad. If we can look back and analyze what went wrong and learn from it, our odds of succeeding will improve. To learn from failure, however, we have to “own” it. We have to figure out what went wrong and what to do better next time. If we don’t, we end up repeating the same mistakes over and over again. By acknowledging them, we tend to avoid covering up, rationalizing or blaming.
There’s always an intelligent way to handle any failure/mistakes you come across or made in life. The most intelligent way I’ve found is to record my failures in what I like to call a “FAILURE/MISTAKES RESUME.”
How to create a Failure/Mistakes Resume?
Look back at all the areas of your life. Professional, Financial, Relationships, Emotional, Health and Spiritual. List down the failures you have had/mistakes you have made. Get to the root of the problem by asking Why?. Keep repeating the Why’s till you arrive at the root cause. Then create an action plan to avoid this in the future.
- How to avoid?
Here is a list of my most jarring mistakes. I wouldn’t want to share the WHY’s with you. I would stand exposed. But this list is really helping me to build my personal brand with honesty and humility.
Try it out.
- Not learning Arabic
- Not making health a top priority
- Selling myself too low
- Reacting without thinking
- Not working on writing my book
- Being too frank on Social Media
- Not praying on time
- Not staying in touch with old pals
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
A New York City subway train holds 1,200 people. This blog was viewed about 7,300 times in 2011. If it were a NYC subway train, it would take about 6 trips to carry that many people.
The son stood near the impatient taxi, watching the driver stow his luggage away. Evading the frames of his loved ones thronging the verandah to see him off, he looked at the slender frame of his father, leaning uncomfortably on the sofa, mouth agape and eyes blankly staring at nothing….
As the car, painfully strode over the rain filled potholes, with a tired wiper squeaking across the scratch filled windshield, the driver cursed the road and the rain for the hundredth time. The son was silent, trying to fight the tear drops that desperately wanted to reveal themselves. Pain lurched in his chest as he turned back over the shoulder at the slowly receding house…..within which wretched time had moved too quickly, unjustly pushing his hero down an un scalable incline of illness.
Living in the posh comforts of his home in Dubai, he often manages to escape the stabbing memories and the humbling pangs of guilt, the enduring companions of any middle aged expatriate. But his father comes back to haunt his consciousness every now and then…. Especially during supplications after the customary prayers. He would also come in unannounced, led along by the sight of some old book, strains of some ageing song, or the whiff of some fragrance from childhood. Next few minutes would be spent, basking in the memories of those golden days… when he has what he really was.. The Royal Bengal Tiger… as the son jokingly used to address him as…The speaker, the writer, the devotee, the guide, father, friend, Leader… all these roles had to slowly give themselves up one by one…helpless before the onslaught of that invincible neurological tyrant called Parkinsonism.
Even though he had stopped communicating long ago, shades of the tiger would surface occasionally as the son would sit next to him and engage him in a monologue about spirituality and philosophy- his pet topics. Very rarely he would reciprocate as well… gifting the son with priceless moments to cherish and treasure.
Why did time move so fast…. O my god!!!! Why him ????
Trying to break through the familiar stranglehold of pain, nostalgia, fear and guilt, the son whispered again…
At least for one day, my lord, give me back my father of yore
Make his suffering painless
Tell him about the love that I have for him and my constant endeavors to be his shadow..
Give me the strength to continue his good work
May sun set be far far away and may it light this measly candle before …….
Does any unpleasant incident from the past come back to haunt you regularly? Does it stir up feelings that rob you of precious comfort? Don’t worry. You can scramble that memory now till it stops hurting you. I will share this magic with you through a personal experience.
One of my projects in the bank ran into rough weather recently. A very high profile senior Manager was inconsolably irked. Though the provocation wasn’t deliberate at all, the person was really angry. I had to step in and apologize profusely to soothe the inflamed nerves. The explanations and requests from our side and the aggressive and defiant posturing from his side left a lasting impression on me. This incident would jump back into my conscious when I would be least expecting it and would leave a very bitter taste in my psyche… till I used this neat NLP technique.
You need to have the following props ready
• A recent photograph of yours-It shouldn’t be a close up snap
• Some loud merry music- from your laptop or mobile phone
Follow the below steps to scramble the incident away
Take a close look at your photograph for a few minutes. Notice what you are wearing.
Imagine that you are sitting in a movie theatre, looking at the screen. See the picture in clear detail. Notice the color of the seats and your clothing.
Shift your focus to the screen. Imagine as is you are watching the scene standing behind yourself. See the back of your head and the screen.
Relive the experience on the screen. Run it from start to finish. Notice the manager and hear his sound. Notice yourself in the incident and watch your expressions. You will experience the familiar uncomfortable feelings as you watch the movie.
Now turn the movie from color to black and white.
Take the central theme- which would be the manager, and shrink him. Make him a tiny replica of himself.
Start running the movie in your mind’s eye in reverse. Start from the last frame and go back to the first.
Do this at double speed.
Convert the manager’s voice to something funny- Mickey Mouse’s voice is a good option.
Give the miniscule manager some really funny clothing. Let him have a clown’s face and attire.
Run the movie in reverse quite fast.
(You will notice that you are smiling now)
Finally switch on the loud and merry music and watch the movie in reverse mode again.
Once you have done this 5 to 6 times, get up from your seat and walk around a bit. Take your mind off the movie.
After a while, try recollecting the original unpleasant incident. In all probability you will not be able to. If you still can, you need to repeat the above steps a few more times. Repeat and Test till you cannot bring the old incident up again.
The whole process takes less than 10-15 minutes. This owes its effectiveness to the technology of NLP, which has actually unraveled the instruction book of the human brain.
The concept is simple. We think predominantly in terms of pictures and sounds. Once we bring these memory bits together, they generate the same old bad feelings in us. Scramble this jigsaw by changing the color, size, characteristics and sounds associated with the incident and the jigsaw wouldn’t fit as before. No jigsaw, no corresponding feelings….. Free at last.
Watch this video on youtube. It will motivate you more to try this technique.
If you need any help, feel free to call me on 050 3423552
Go ahead and be Free……
Follow the schedule religiously
Leaders are chosen for each activity democratically… usually the most senior or the wisest one gets the post
People shirk away from taking the responsibility… It takes quite a lot of prodding and pushing to take up the post
Once the Leader accepts the post, he calls the congregation to order
Each rows leads the row behind.. Unless one can see the row ahead, his prayer is not valid
Though rigid controls are in place, leaders can innovate. he can choose the Surah and the length of the recitation
If the leader makes a mistake, followers can bring it to his notice.
The leader then does corrective action followed by the congregation
If anyone joins the group half way through the proceedings, he has to follow the leader and then continue the process as defined in the procedure, once the leader completes the activity.
Once the leader and his congregation completes the activity, another leader can be chosen to goes on to lead the new comers
Why am I doing this?
Is it because I have some much to say?. Or is it because eager and hysteric enthusiasts are clamoring at my door every day. NO!!!!. I have been boasting of my vision- to be a world renowned author by 2012. Times Best Seller List, Booker Award and many more superlatives. May this be the beginning. WOW !!! History is just about to be made. HA HA. Hope the full stop isnt one. May I have painful thrusts at my ribs, reminders of a frustrated ambitious soul caught in a vagabonds obese frame. Then I may return. Hope my next post doesnt surface after a decade. Who will justify your ignorance ?????